“Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.” -Buddha

Have you ever accidentally cut somebody off on the highway, and then about three minutes later they come flying by you like a bat out of hell giving you the bird? What about the person that just looks for fights over the smallest things? As bad as those hot heads are, there is a type of person that is much worse. This type of person will stay mad for hours, days, or even weeks at their good friends for the smallest fight. We all know these people. They are known as grudge-holders.

Believe it or not, at a point in my life, not long ago, I used to be a HUGE grudge-holder. Looking back on it now, I am embarrassed how I used to act. At one point in high school, my best friend and I got in a fight about what to do on New Year’s. We had made a plan to go over to one of our friend’s house. Then, when we got in the car, she mentioned to me that we were changing plans.

I did not get visibly mad at her then, I just said O.K. and went our way. We had a decent time with our friends, but that was the last time I spoke with my friend for three weeks. That’s right; I did not say ONE word to my best friend because of one stupid night. I did not confront her about it, I did not even bring up why I was mad. I completely ignored her. Finally, after three weeks she came up to me to see what was wrong. I finally had gotten over it by then, and so we talked about it. After we talked, we were fine and have been good friends ever since.

I hope you are not judging me, because I know…it is a moment I am definitely not proud of, but it is in my past. To this very day, getting angered easily and holding grudges is something that I work on DAILY. I don’t want you to think I get violent angry because I do not! I just get irritated angry. Then, I remind myself, “It’s not a big deal; don’t make it something bigger than it really is.”

I think we have all had an argument that afterward we thought, what was that even about? So, I have come up with a list of things to think about before getting upset over something, or worse yet; holding a grudge.

1. If your mom knew you were in this argument, would she be proud: Unless this is a fight with her, think about what your mother would say. Are you standing up for something you believe in, or are you just getting in a fight with your girlfriend because she burnt the dinner? You should always make mom proud. Pick and choose your battles. Most of the time, your mom would probably slap you over the head with the kind of stuff you get mad at.
2. Is getting upset going to change the course of action: If you are going to raise your blood pressure, shouldn’t it be over something worth arguing about? Is yelling at the parking ticket patrol going to get you out of your parking ticket? Probably not. It’s not his fault that you parked in the wrong spot. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
3. View the situation from the other person’s point of view: Have you ever cut somebody off in traffic? I am guessing you probably have. Did you like it when you got flipped off? Probably not. After all, it was an accident, right? Let the anger stop with you. Most likely he didn’t mean to. Just keep singing your song, and let it pass.
4. Do you want to be known as “that” person: We have all seen them. We have been at McDonald’s, our favorite restaurant, or other PUBLIC place and seen the crazy person yelling at the employee over something small. I was at Texas Roadhouse a few weeks ago, and there was a guy who sent his steak back to the cook 7 times because it wasn’t done “just” right. He proceeded to scream at the waitress as if it was her fault, and then he slammed the money down on the table when they made him pay for his dinner that he had eaten (3 ½ steaks to be exact!) He completely embarrassed himself and his family in front of the ENTIRE restaurant. I know I personally don’t want people thinking of me that way.
5. Is it worth ten minutes of your life: Are you picking a fight just because you are in a bad mood? If you think about it, your being mad or arguing is just costing you a good portion of your life. If you add up all of your “mad” minutes, would they be months, years, or even decades you can’t get back? Sit back, relax, and enjoy yourself. You’re only here for a short period of time.
6. Most importantly, is this argument worth losing the respect of somebody else: Unless you have no pride or self-respect, you want others to think highly of you. Depending on what size town you live in, if you act bad towards ONE person, everybody you know could hear about it. These people will never forget the story they heard about you. They will begin to look at you differently, and ultimately, they will no longer respect you.

Anger only leads to more anger. Whenever you see somebody that is irritated, it usually leads to you becoming irritated…on down the line. So before you get angry, think about what you are doing. Let the anger stop with you!

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